some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
