my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
