Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Randomize
