That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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