i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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