I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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