I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
