I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
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