she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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