I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
