I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
