i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
He felt like a one man threesome
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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