its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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