The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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