I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Randomize
