What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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