I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
