Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
