Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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