I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
