Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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