her vagine was all disorganized.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
