Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
