Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
