At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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