do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Help. Why am I so naked?
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