if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
