My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
