dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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