I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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