There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
