We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
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