Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Dick very happy bro
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
