Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
