I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
