Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
FUCK WHALES
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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