yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
