Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
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