You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
