mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
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You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
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Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
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