Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
