Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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