There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
