Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
