She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
