Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
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