somebody snuck up and got me drunk
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Randomize
