So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
