he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
