I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
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