So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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