Moan for me like Helen Keller
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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