Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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