we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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