they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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