I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Randomize