woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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