Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
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