He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
