I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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