He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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