Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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