Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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