I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
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