if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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