her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I would fuck him just for his dog
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
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