why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
