we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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