i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
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