at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
