So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Randomize
