I think scott just propositioned me for sex
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
