It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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