TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
