Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
