i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
